This past week, my wife and I had a deep conversation with our son, who has been struggling to see himself in a positive way. He is susceptible to the lies the enemy and his accomplices (today’s culture) tell him, the most devastating of which is, “you are not worthy.” Not worthy to be loved, not worthy of other people’s love and attention.
This got me pondering the notion of how we define ourselves. One conclusion I landed on was that whether we realize it or not, we are all constantly answering an important question:
Who am I?
And more often than we’d like to admit, we answer it based on what we do—or what we’ve done.
Our successes. Our failures. Our best moments. Our worst decisions.
We build identities out of accomplishments… or regrets.
But Scripture offers something radically different.
Thanks be to God for that.
Not Defined by What We’ve Done
The good news is this:
We are not defined by what we’ve done—even the things we’re most proud of.
This is good news, because through the lens of eternity, all of those things will eventually fade away.
And even better:
We are not defined by what we’ve done wrong—even the things we wish we could undo. Especially not those things.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8–9 (NIV)
And that leads to something both beautiful… and difficult.
Loving When It’s Hard
God didn’t just love us when we were neutral toward Him.
He loved us when we were opposed to Him.
“When we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son…” Romans 5:10 (NIV)
That’s not just a comforting truth.
It’s a challenging one.
Because it reveals something about God’s character that we are invited—if not commanded—to reflect.
The Way We Usually Respond
If I’m honest, this is where things get uncomfortable.
When someone opposes me— when they challenge me, disagree with me, or stand in my way—
I don’t naturally think:
I should love them.
I think:
This is a problem to solve. This is someone to win against. This is an obstacle to overcome.
Opposition becomes personal.
It becomes something to fix, manage, or defeat.
Looking at the divisiveness in our culture, it’s clear I’m not alone in this.
The Way God Responds
But that’s not how God responds.
God sees opposition…
and moves toward it with love.
Not approval of everything. Not ignoring truth.
But choosing love anyway.
That’s what the cross shows us.
God didn’t wait for us to come around.
He moved toward us while we were still running the other way—fast and self-destructively.
This seems like a challenging way to view people who oppose us. Maybe an impossible way.
But this is the way of living and loving that Jesus modeled for us. So this is the way we are supposed to live.
God responds to opposition with love.
What If We Lived This Way?
It makes me wonder:
How different would our world be…
if we saw the people who oppose us not as enemies to defeat—
but as people to love?
People created in God’s image. People who, like us, are in need of grace. People who, like us, are invited into something better. People who, like us, Jesus chose to give His life for—whether or not that makes sense to us.
Instead of defining others by labels… or positions… or disagreements…
What if we defined them the way God defines both them and us?
As people worth loving.
A Glimpse of What’s Coming
Maybe that will be one of the glorious characteristics of heaven.
A place where no one is trying to prove themselves.
No one is clinging to identity through labels or status.
No one is competing, comparing, or dividing.
Just people…
fully alive in God’s presence, secure in His love, and finally free to love others the same way.
“Dear friends, now we are children of God… we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.” 1 John 3:2 (NIV)
Living from a Different Identity
If we are defined by what God has done…
then we don’t have to spend our lives trying to prove who we are.
We don’t have to cling to achievements.
We don’t have to be crushed by failure or a long trail of defeats.
And we don’t have to treat others as threats.
Instead, we can live from a place of security.
Loved. Forgiven. Restored.
And free to love others—even when they make that difficult.
A Final Encouragement
If you’ve been carrying the weight of your past—
your mistakes, your regrets, your failures—
hear this:
That is not what defines you.
And if you’ve been defining others by their worst moments…
or their opposition to you…
maybe it’s time to see them differently.
The same way God sees them, and you.
Defined not by what we’ve done… but by what He has already done.
A Question to Sit With
Who—or what—have I been allowing to define me?
And how might my life change if I truly lived from the identity God has already given me?
Master's Canvas - Writing & Photography by David K. Carpenter 